Pain. So much pain. Alec was standing by the doorway as my dad laid into me.

“You stupid girl!” I knew this was coming the moment he had come home. He had practically broken down the door. He was always like this after a drink. Then I couldn’t do anything right. Alec was my life support system. He told me how one day we would run away and lead our own life. But until that day, I was his target. He loved Alec, his only son. I was just a mistake. An extra. Mum had died giving birth to me. It was all my fault. Everything. My life was meaningless except to cause pain. Pain for others and pain for me. He hit me again. A particularly strong blow sent me flying across the room. I was small for my age, very skinny and ugly. My dad told me so. I believed him. I was fragile, from malnutrition. We didn’t have much money, what we did have went to drink for my dad. I had to scavenge for my food. I had never been to school either, my dad said that I needed to know my place, to cook and clean. No one knew I even existed. I realized the next blow I had been expecting hadn’t arrived. He spat at me and stormed out. Alec waited until he was definitely gone before hurrying to my side. He put his hand on mine and instantly it was as if the pain had gone.

“I think it’s time Alec. Time to leave” I said. His eyes were wide.

“Are you sure we’re ready? It’s a big step!”

“I can’t stay here any longer. Dad, he’s getting worse” Then the door was ripped open by a force like a hurricane. I found myself flying across the room again. I hit the wall.

“You can never leave!” he yelled. A tear came into my eyes. That mad him madder.

“You are useless! No one will ever want you! Why don’t you just die and save me the trouble of looking after you?! You worthless little cow!” I ran away from him. I pushed past him but he seized my arm.

“Leave me alone! I hate you!” I cried. I pushed his hand off my arm and ran past him. I wanted to be free. Alec didn’t follow. That hurt. He was my best friend, yet he would let me go. As I ran, tears streamed down my face. I was lost and alone. I just wanted relief from the never-ending pain. I could see lights racing past me, and noise. The freeway. I smiled. Peace. I walked out and stood. The truck driver saw me an instant before he hit me. I closed my eyes and felt the metal plough into me. I was tossed high into the air, limp as a rag doll. Then I landed. I felt like I was floating. Then the pain hit me. My entire body felt like it was on fire. It ached in my bones.

“Oh. Such a pity”

“Yes, such a shame”

“What a waste” three voices. I didn’t want to listen. I wanted to die, please God let me die!

“I think we could” the pain was dulling. Then…

“At least we can try” burning! My body was on fire! I screamed aloud. Help! Someone! Anyone! It was like I had been tossed into flames and as they licked my body, my mind was awakening. This wasn’t death. Death should be peaceful, happy. This was torment, hell. I’m going to die. I’m going to die I thought. My life is over. The fire burned on. There was no end to it, just pain and darkness, darkness and pain. I was dead. My life had ended.