There was once hope in this cautious heart 

There was once laughter  

When there was youth  

And innocence 

And once upon a time  

But summer has gone  

And still this heart is waiting 

It was a bright and sunny morning. A girl smiled at a boy.

She stood in the fall leaves.

Her hair shone with copper magic.

Her eyes sparkled in the last rays.

Her smile was a net for his heart

Her days of innocence

She was a goddess to him

Her lively charm

Her complete freedom

Her artistic passion

Her captivation

He sat, staring at her in awe

His hair was ruffled and messy

His eyes were deep and meaning

His smile was shy and dazed

His days of relief from life

He completed her

His quite, gentle nature

His patient guidance

His way of speaking without words

His adoration

***

It was a light and clear midday. A young woman stared at the sky. The young man stared at her.

“You look lovely.”

“You said so before.”

“You deserve to hear it again.”

“Only when you’re around.”

“How are your parents?”

“…they… fine. We don’t need to talk about them.”

“It’s fine. You care about them. So I do too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Wow. You’re amazing!”

“Good or bad?”

“Good. You really mean it? Marriage?”

“I do.”

“I love you.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

***

It was a dull and cloudy afternoon. A woman, barely grown took the first steps towards her future. The man watched her as he would an angel.

 …as your lawful husband,  

She glides up the isle. She would rather dance she feels so happy. It’s easy to ignore the rumours today. She is young and in love and they don’t matter.  

…to have and to hold,  

She didn’t want a traditional wedding, something new would be more her style. But ‘they’ convinced him. She’s too happy to care.  

…from this day forward,   

She loves him…she hopes it’s enough. 

…for better or for worse,  

She wonders when ‘they’ will stop having power over their son. Soon. She wants to be free.  

…for richer or for poorer, 

She turns her thoughts to the happy future and the new house. It’s perfect. No one can take it away from them. Them. Together.   

…in sickness and in health, 

“I do.” He pledges and she catches the eyes of his parents. Their power is gone. They can’t hold him back anymore… surely.  

…to love and cherish 

He loves her more. He loves her. She’s sure she loves him too. She’s ignoring the shadows today.

… until death do you part? 

“I …” The break holds such truth. There’s doubt in a heart. But there’s passion and innocence too.

“…I do.”

***

It was a wet and windy evening. A new mother cradled her child. The father kept a gentle hand under the child in case she needed a break.

A nurse watched the young couple. She’s seen many. It still holds a deep charm for her. The mother; exhausted but delighted and entranced by the child. The father; inexperienced but already caring and attached.

The father reached out to help secure the child, worried the wife was tired. The mother batted the father’s hand away in irritation and he quickly concealed the hurt. He didn’t want to ruin the moment.

The nurse thought the father looked more prepared than usual. He slipped into the role so easily. She wished she were the mother and hoped that one day she wouldn’t just be looking at a happy family.

The father cuddled the child in his arms- he said she looked tired. There was a bitter rush to her thoughts. The mother felt that his care sometimes became smothering. She called herself paranoid.

“I love you.” The father whispered to both mother and child.

“I love you.” The mother replied, suddenly tired of all the love. Where had her spark gone?

The father’s love was equal and undivided between both.

The mother knew who she loved more and the doubts crept and clawed at her heart.

***

   It was a dark and stormy night. A wife stood at the door, a baby cradled in one arm and a tatty suitcase in the other. The husband had red eyes and an empty house.

 “Please don’t” The man begs, his hand tightening around her arm. But it wasn’t painful; he was too careful for that. He loved her too much. Apparently it was one sided.  

“Please.” She begs back. He needs to talk it out. But they’ve talked so much already. Talked so long. It’s just inevitable.

The phone rings, breaking through their opposite pleas.

“Answer it.” Her dark eyes are distant.

She’s found her escape.

 He will answer. He always does.

She can see his desperation. He will answer. She plays a bet with herself, to make the deed lighter. A game.

 If he answers I’ll leave. If he stays, so will I. 

 She knows she’s just trying to pass the blame. Make it his fault. She’ll leave whatever happens. But she knows he’ll answer it.

And she partly wants him to. She wants to make it him. She hates herself for it.

It’s not his fault. It’s the people of this village. It’s the relatives. It’s her. But she wants it to be him. She wants to twist his caring nature and generosity.

She’s human.

She makes excuses.

 “Please just stay, I’ll come back. Right back. I can’t… I can’t. ” His eyes beg her to understand.

He answers the phone.

It’s the relatives.

They need his help.

She wonders about escaping.

Perhaps she could make him leave her. Promise she’ll stay and make him go to them. Then leave while he’s away.

She’s too cruel. She knows it. She can’t stay and she can’t go. But she can’t make it work here. So she has to leave. She’s bad for him. She can’t hurt him. So she’ll take herself away.

Justification. She chides herself. But she’s spent so long convincing that it seems the only route left. She can’t survive here any longer.

She tries to escape again and makes it as far as the taxi. The driver’s seen too much. He’s glad to turn a blind eye once again. It’s a sad world he’s witnessed and it won’t get better.

The husband’s back and grabbing her hand again. The baby cries and the wife looks desperately up at him.

They fuss around the child but she’s slapping his hands away.

He’s begging her even more. For the daughter. She can’t take everything. Maybe she could leave the baby there and just have some time to think. She could come and get the baby later. After she’s sure.

She doesn’t want her daughter growing up in this place. The grey boredom that had been dulling her bright individuality. And the local people.

“A daughter’s place is with her mother.” Who ever thought she’d revert to tradition. The bitter irony.

The baby is in the cab and the wife tries to follow.

“Please, just let me go.” It was the pity in her eyes. It was the truth that was mapped out clearly for him to see. It was her determination. That’s what made him drop his hand.

“Can’t you just-” He cuts himself off. There was nothing he could do. He had raged and cried and begged. It all amounts to nothing. She can’t stay. She won’t be happy. He only wants her to be happy.

He loves her.

The wife ducks into the cab and barely manages to gasp ‘the airport’ to the driver. It hurts her to leave but it hurts her more to stay.

The husband watches his life disappear and all seems too sudden for such a devastating blow.

His parents are waiting. They need him. She obviously doesn’t. Why can’t she understand? They need him.

She will come back. She just needed to calm down. But he knows her too well. He knows he’s lying. He chooses the lie because it numbs the pain.

He lies for fifteen years and keeps hoping much longer.

There was once hope in this cautious heart

There should be laughter

But Seasons unfold

Summer’s slipped away.